When Someone You Love Dies {Personal Post}

I usually like to keep things school related over here on the ol' blog.  But, this post is on my heart today- the 13th month since my dad has died.

My dad passed away last year in March, completely unexpectedly.  And, to say that the last year has been hard, is an understatement.  When someone dies, we naturally search for the "WHY"... knowing WHY this happens could at least help rationalize it.  And, when a death is unexpected, a WHY is even more important... especially when there absolutely isn't one.

I'm a reason seeker and a symbol holder.  I like to say I'm not superstitious or one who looks for "signs" everywhere, but I am and I do.

If you know me or my family personally, you know that the number 13 is kind of our "family number" and the number 413 is especially significant.

When my dad died last year, it was on March 13.  My dad liked to do things his own way.  He and I are very similar in that aspect.  I would never let him talk about him dying with me because, well, he was always going to be here- heck, he was only 61 years old.  Every time he would bring up any talk of this or want to talk to me about it, I would change the subject right away.  And my dad would always say, "When it's my time to go, it's my time to go."

So, him dying on the 13th, since it's our family's number... well, to me, it was his way of saying, "See?  I told you when it was my time, it was my time!"

Every month, on the 13, I think, "This is the __ month since my dad has gone," and I recently realized that on April 13, it will be the 13th month since he's been gone.

13 on 413.

You see, my dad's father was a prisoner of war during World War 2.  He escaped from the POW camp and was found and rescued by American soldiers on April 13.  So, this date (4/13) has always been significant in my family, started by my grandmother.  Her favorite Bible verse was Philippians 4:13, she wore jewelry with the number 13 on it, and took every sighting of 413 or 13 or any combination of those numbers ("Oh my!  Our dinner bill was $42.52 and 4 + 2 + 5 + 2 = 13!!!!!" <----- seriously, we all do it.) as a sign of love from God and her beloved husband.

So, this year, the fact that his 13th month gone falls on my grandmother's most celebrated day, 4/13, brings me more comfort that I can express.  There is no searching for a "why" when someone you love is gone.  There are no answers that can soothe the soul and no words that can explain away such a tragedy.  Nothing that stops the heart from aching or takes away that feeling of missing.  But for me, knowing my dad and how he always got the last word, the last laugh, and that stubborn smile... 13 months gone on 4/13 is just his style.  And it makes me feel a little better.

On this day, his memory burns a little brighter and the tears sting a little deeper.  But,  I think if he could have planned things like this, he may have.  He would have gotten a good smile out of it.

And, here's my tribute to him... he loved music.  He wrote it, sang it, played it... lived it.

So, last month on my spring break trip to Vegas, I got this for him.  The notes are D A D.

Here's to you, dad!  Love and miss you more than I can say!