Thursday, September 12, 2013

8th Annual Fart Lecture

Yes, that's right.  Today I gave my infamous fart lecture.

It happens every year... someone lets one loose and the class either erupts into hysterical laughter or covers their noses, swatting away fumes with their hands.

I don't know about you, but it makes me unhappy when bodily functions interrupt learning in my classroom!

Hence, the fart lecture.

It goes something like this:

Ok, friends, everyone farts.  You fart.  I fart.  Your mom and dad fart.  Your grandparents fart.  Everyone does it.  If every time someone farted, everyone stopped everything they were doing to swat away smells or laugh, no one would get anything done.  Ever.  So, when it happens, we have to get over it.  I don't like how they smell either, but you'll never see me holding my nose and fanning away the smell like this- {insert image of me doing this in a very ridiculous way}.  So, right now- make some fart noises, act silly, say "fart", do what you need to do and let's get over it so we can get on with learning... ok, thank you.  Let's continue on with what we are doing.

And the lecture ends.  The farts have lost their power over us.  And we can learn again.

The next time someone toots, it just takes me giving my few remaining sillies the stink eye and they simmer down right away.


How do you keep kiddos from going nuts over this stuff?  Do YOU have a fart lecture too?


  1. Yes, I think we all have the farting lecture. :) I just read the book, Walter the Farting Dog, on Monday and had the lecture. The book is great. I have 15 boys this year and 6 girls. My boys thought it was the best book.

  2. That was so funny! I have to have a similar lecture every year. They think it's funny because I say fart too.

  3. That's hilarious! And for the record, I hate any disruption that interupts learning! And farts take the cake.

  4. Some how it is funny! I'm not sure why but it is. . . even I have to stifle the giggles when it happens...

    A few years ago our family was sitting around the campfire and the discussion of farts came up. My son (then 26) said to my dad (then 89) "Grampa, You laugh when you fart don't you?" And my dad said, "Of course I do!"

    So there you go! It doesn't matter what your age, you have to have a little giggle to get it out of your system!


  5. I don't necessarily lecture about it...but when someone does pass gas, if the kids giggle or say "ew!" or anything else, I just interrupt myself to remind them that everyone passes gas and its normal, and then continue on with my lesson or activity. I've never had too much trouble with the fart-induced giggles unless I've had an immature class.

  6. Thankfully that is something that has yet to happen this year. Keep your fingers {legs} crossed!

  7. I had to laugh pretty hard about this one! I have never had this kind of lecture.
    My Second Sense

  8. I haven't had to have it yet this year...and it was day 11 today, but now I have more ideas to add! I usually tell them that when it happens, it is really just think "I'm glad it wasn't me" and forget about it.

    The things they don't tell you about teaching first grade...that and the "don't pee on the seat and if you do clean it up because no one wants to sit on your pee" lecture for the boys.

  9. I have middle school kids.
    They get the fart speech, the pee pee poem (If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.), booger conversations, and my favorite "Deodorant is our friend."
    Hmmm...why didn't the common core people include a strand for that? If dealing with those issues isn't a part of college and career readiness, I don't know what is.

    1. I need to have the "deodorant is our friend" convo with some of my 5th graders. Shew!! You would think the parents would step in on that one. I'm too afraid to have the talk though because I don't want parents freaking out on me. Let us pray that they take care of this issue sooner than later!! My nose hairs are singeing!!

  10. Totally had it...and apparently I have to work on my stink eye cause we are STILL getting some giggles...granted...I have a LOT of littles fond of the farts this year! ;)

  11. OMG! My fart lecture happened today too! I basically said the same thing... also including how would you feel if you let one squeeze out and the entire class erupted into laughter or people started scooting away from you? We are all a big 3A family so we will just ignore those bodily noises and keep right on learning.

  12. So funny. Your lecture that is. I'm not sure why farting seems so funny to them. ;)

  13. Oh yes the fart lecture, a particular favourite of mine. I just ask them what they think would happen if the gas didn't come out? That's right people's guts would explode, then I say, I know I don't feel like cleaning up guts so lets just be thankful it has a way out! :) They seem to be more grossed out by the exploding guts than the farts so we all move on!

    Mrs Poultney's Ponderings

  14. It's coming in my room too because I have a chronic, deliberate, butt blaster. Grrrrr. One recommendation--avoid the "stink" eye in this situation. I have given the "Use soap and wash armpits" talk AND the "how much TP is the right amount" talks already this year. Lord knows what's next. It's that kind of year.

  15. I have your blog in my blogroll on my blog and I glanced over and thought I saw the title wrong!! Haha!! My kids are taking a quiz and I am laughing over here at this! Hilarious. I will admit...a few weeks ago, one of my kids let out the perfect toot. I mean, you couldn't have made this sound any more of a perfect fart if it came from a noise machine. I tried SO HARD to not laugh. And the kids did, too. They tried ignoring it {they are really good about not making a big deal of farts} - but I lost it. And once I started, they did too. It was very funny. But we moved on and everything was fine - it was just one of those rare, silly moments. :) I still don't know who the culprit was....Ha!!! Thanks for sharing.

  16. You should read Robert Munsch's Good Families Don't.
    I had my principal be a Mystery Reader one year at the same time we were doing a Robert Munsch book study. I held out two books for him to choose from and he chose that one! We still laugh about it!

  17. I have never had the fart lecture, but I do have the "stupid, shut up, butt" lecture. Stupid, shut up, and butt are NOT bad words; stupid and shut up are not nice to say to someone, but they are not bad words and everyone has a butt so it's no big deal to say butt.


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